The Fall(en) Trailer

[Cleril]

This is a trailer for my third game in the making, The Fall(en).

This will be my first finished game likely released in February. It will be free.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jjPgLcV9M0

Any feedback would be fantastic. :)

If you want to play a game of mine well...

Topic: Help Me Freeware User Made Indie Game Non-Combat RPG: Haven Version 0.4.1 - Page 3 - Gamers Forum (http://www.gamers-forum.com/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=12865)

Review: The Escapist : Forums : User Reviews : Pimpin Reviews: Cleril's Haven (A game created by an Escapist User) (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/326.164259)

Any questions ask....if you want to be a player and provide feedback on say, Haven, please message me.

[youthism_is_me]

did your second and first games in the makeing finish

[Exodyus]

Hm...

Well, I'm not known for going easy on anyone, so I'm sad to say -- you will be no different.

You need to definitely spruce the trailer up, because there is no action, no voices, nothing -- just a midi file of music and some gray/white stuff thrown together.

The wording is also insanely redundant. Makes the game present as boring -- before it's even available and out. It's slow, it's also 8-16 bit, it looked like. More like an FF4 style, which IS NOT bad -- but you really have to rep it better.

Being Emo in a trailer isn't going to announce the game properly, I imagine.
By the first cut, I was like -- WTF JUMP ALREADY. END IT.

So, it needs a lot of work -- and hopefully the game isn't reflected by the trailer, or you're up S-Creek. Lol.

Sorry for the harsh criticism, but if everyone pats you on the back when you sing like crap, you end up being one of those idiots on American Idol.

[Cleril]

did your second and first games in the makeing finish

I have three games I'm working on actually.

The Fall(en) will be the first finished one, sometime in February I would think.

Then Haven.

Possibly Grey (a new idea will likely get in the way...like Haven 2.).

Haven is currently V 0.4.8 and will be released in updated at least once a month. The topic for it is in my signature...though I haven't updated it since nobody gave a damn. I have players on other sites....no players here well, why bother editing that topic?


Hm...

Well, I'm not known for going easy on anyone, so I'm sad to say -- you will be no different.

You need to definitely spruce the trailer up, because there is no action, no voices, nothing -- just a midi file of music and some gray/white stuff thrown together.

The wording is also insanely redundant. Makes the game present as boring -- before it's even available and out. It's slow, it's also 8-16 bit, it looked like. More like an FF4 style, which IS NOT bad -- but you really have to rep it better.

Being Emo in a trailer isn't going to announce the game properly, I imagine.
By the first cut, I was like -- WTF JUMP ALREADY. END IT.

So, it needs a lot of work -- and hopefully the game isn't reflected by the trailer, or you're up S-Creek. Lol.

Sorry for the harsh criticism, but if everyone pats you on the back when you sing like crap, you end up being one of those idiots on American Idol.

Action? The game is what you see. You are a guy on a cliff...what happens? Do you think about things (where you learn about who you are)? Do you wait? Do you jump? This isn't MW2....

Give me a microphone...I can voice act really well I'd think, if I had a damn microphone.

It's a MIDI converted to a .wav but regardless I'm a 16 year old bedroom indie developer in high school....what do you expect? I own a laptop from 2005 that's a hammy down of ****....I can't work with 3D engines (I don't want to...hate programming, I'm a writer dammit!) or use anything but windows movie maker.

The game is free....my games involve philosophical stories and ideas. I can't convey that much in a trailer....otherwise what's the point of the game is the story is just thrown out there? You make the story as the player though.

RPG Maker VX was used....if I even asked my laptop to download the Unreal Engine it would blow up in my face.

I don't sing...I dance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jqL8RkGaG8

[jango]

I'm a 16 year old bedroom indie developer in high school

I guess what exodyus is trying to give you is some honest, direct but still constructive criticism. The 'yes, yes, very nice' comments don't really help anyone. Tbh, regardless of your age, getting a fully-rounded game, movies etc etc for a game solely developed by you in your bedroom would be unlikely - but I guess what is being said is that you might want to consider these things for another time - if appropriate for where you want to aim the game at.

I like what you're trying to do to some degree .. but I would suggest that more focus on featuring game content over attempting to convey atmosphere would be a better place to start. You can get away with more artistic license in most media if you still answer the needs of the viewer in the process.

Still, you're 16 .. and I wouldn't want to discourage you from what you've done so far, or could do in the future.

Keep it up bud, and good luck .. just keep learning and listening :)

[Exodyus]

If you're a writer (self-proclaimed), then you should understand and know what a synopsis is and utilize that knowledge in the development of a trailer that will not only captivate the [viewers] attention and the mind, but leave the feeling and curiosity to continue asking -- what is this about, what more is there.

I've seen A M A Z I N G artwork with only the use of MS Paint, so your excuses wont cut it, youngin! You must utilize what you have, and blow it up into proportions that are astounding and excellent.

I'm ASKING YOU to captivate me.

So you're a guy on the cliff. Asking questions. Why are you there in the first place? What were the events that lead to feeling like jumping? Why even jump off a cliff? What if you don't die when you hit the bottom? Freak accidents?? What if a pterodactyl swoops down and takes you away before you CAN jump?

The trailer is redundant. It says the same things over and over again, for nearly two minutes. You must spend time and diversify the trailer to incorporate little bits of this-and-that into it, in order to make me WANT to play this through to the end.

And for your records -- I don't like Modern Warfare 2. I'm a PC-boy. And a mic is literally 15-17 bucks at your local Best Buy; nothing special, but the mic that you buy will be able to get the job done for what you require.

[Cleril]

I guess what exodyus is trying to give you is some honest, direct but still constructive criticism. The 'yes, yes, very nice' comments don't really help anyone. Tbh, regardless of your age, getting a fully-rounded game, movies etc etc for a game solely developed by you in your bedroom would be unlikely - but I guess what is being said is that you might want to consider these things for another time - if appropriate for where you want to aim the game at.

I like what you're trying to do to some degree .. but I would suggest that more focus on featuring game content over attempting to convey atmosphere would be a better place to start. You can get away with more artistic license in most media if you still answer the needs of the viewer in the process.

Still, you're 16 .. and I wouldn't want to discourage you from what you've done so far, or could do in the future.

Keep it up bud, and good luck .. just keep learning and listening :)

I listen, it's not that I want to assault and rape the ones who criticize. I'm simply stating that I as of now have no possible way to make better trailers. What you see is the best of my current resources. Give me the resources of say....Bioware and I can easily beat them at their own game.

That's not an ego your seeing...a player of mine said he had trouble balancing time between Haven and Dragon Age: Origins. Me vs. Bioware and I won a battle apparently.

[Cleril]

If you're a writer (self-proclaimed), then you should understand and know what a synopsis is and utilize that knowledge in the development of a trailer that will not only captivate the [viewers] attention and the mind, but leave the feeling and curiosity to continue asking -- what is this about, what more is there.

I've seen A M A Z I N G artwork with only the use of MS Paint, so your excuses wont cut it, youngin! You must utilize what you have, and blow it up into proportions that are astounding and excellent.

I'm ASKING YOU to captivate me.

So you're a guy on the cliff. Asking questions. Why are you there in the first place? What were the events that lead to feeling like jumping? Why even jump off a cliff? What if you don't die when you hit the bottom? Freak accidents?? What if a pterodactyl swoops down and takes you away before you CAN jump?

The trailer is redundant. It says the same things over and over again, for nearly two minutes. You must spend time and diversify the trailer to incorporate little bits of this-and-that into it, in order to make me WANT to play this through to the end.

And for your records -- I don't like Modern Warfare 2. I'm a PC-boy. And a mic is literally 15-17 bucks at your local Best Buy; nothing special, but the mic that you buy will be able to get the job done for what you require.

You know what...fine, I'll make another trailer and do as you ask. I got a nice idea for a straight forward story trailer as you are inciting me to make.

Self-proclaimed? Well....a writer in terms of gaming. I prefer to call myself a Poet though.

Read if you'd like: Cleril on deviantART (http://cleril.deviantart.com/)

Also, if you'd like to try a game of mine...

The Escapist : Forums : Gaming Discussion : Freeware User Made Indie Game Non-Combat RPG: Haven Version 0.4.8 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.141308)

That's Haven...it's not done yet but it has 50 or so hours of content via multiple playthroughs....one run will be at least 4-5 hours.

[jango]

I listen, it's not that I want to assault and rape the ones who criticize. I'm simply stating that I as of now have no possible way to make better trailers. What you see is the best of my current resources. Give me the resources of say....Bioware and I can easily beat them at their own game.

That's not an ego your seeing...a player of mine said he had trouble balancing time between Haven and Dragon Age: Origins. Me vs. Bioware and I won a battle apparently.

I certainly wasn't suggesting an ego .. I was trying to be helpful and to some extent supportive. As Exodyus says a lot can be achieved with very basic stuff .. but it does take time, practise, and patience. If anything I was writing in support of you making this journey. As an aside, if you post something then you'll get feedback, whether it's nice to hear or not.

I still wish you well in it :)

[Exodyus]

1. Don't double post. Utilize the Edit feature.

2. To say that your game is compared to Dragon Age: Origins, is laughable, just by the trailer I witnessed. A joke, at best. Don't quit your schooling [since you probably don't have a day job], because eventually it'll pay off. Lol.

3. That is a very egotistical thing to say.

4. You're a self-proclaimed writer. You're sixteen, with no published works. Deviant Art is as good as Wikipedia. Not a site-able source. I've been writing since I was eleven -- but I consider myself a hobbyist of writing, and not a writer. I've written probably enough to fill three books over, and still I continue writing.

Now you're just getting whiny. Sorry I even commented.

[Cleril]

1. Don't double post. Utilize the Edit feature.

2. To say that your game is compared to Dragon Age: Origins, is laughable, just by the trailer I witnessed. A joke, at best. Don't quit your schooling [since you probably don't have a day job], because eventually it'll pay off. Lol.

3. That is a very egotistical thing to say.

4. You're a self-proclaimed writer. You're sixteen, with no published works. Deviant Art is as good as Wikipedia. Not a site-able source. I've been writing since I was eleven -- but I consider myself a hobbyist of writing, and not a writer. I've written probably enough to fill three books over, and still I continue writing.

Now you're just getting whiny. Sorry I even commented.

1. Eh

2. I didn't say it, a player did:

The Escapist : Forums : User Reviews : Pimpin Reviews: Cleril's Haven (A game created by an Escapist User) (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/326.164259)

Different game...Haven, not The Fall(en). Both being made by me. Haven is playable...in my sig. But I don't know if I updated the topic with V 0.4.8

3. Optimism?

4. ...Read the works? Comments? If CNN or FOX is credible then why is deviantart no different? Maybe I don't want to deal with publishing right now? Certainly don't have the money.

It's the internet, I sound the way you want to me to sound. Therefore I cannot argue with you saying that I am whiny. I'm not attempting to though.

[Exodyus]

The Escapist : Forums : User Reviews : Pimpin Reviews: Cleril's Haven (A game created by an Escapist User)

After having played "Haven" for 1 hour, I think it is safe to say that you have potential as a designer, but your game play is slow and lacking, no run-function and the utter boredom of scouring an overly large map for one area looking for the smallest of things isn't exactly "fun."

The grammar in game, the wording of things, and your overall misuse of words completely is terrible. Awful, and you need to go back into the game and edit everything. Every conversation. Every interaction. Seriously -- I could understand the grammar situation a little better if you were Fresh Off the Boat from China or Korea, but man... half the sentences and the way you word things -- they don't even make sense in game.
You have this "style" of writing -- but without sound or audible difference, it looks like you're handicapped and stuttering every other dialog box. Using phrased two or three times in a row for "emphasis" without any audible tone is repetitive and poor game design.

And then there's the things that don't make any sense at all -- like falling into a well and coming out some woman's sink and then suddenly her sink and the well work. Wtf.

Or finding a red ring, but it's not filled with FIERY PASSION.

WTF @ your cracked out Jester stuff. It makes NO sense at all.

Or the fact that your 'self-claimed' poetry is all over the game, which isn't as great as you think it is -- because it's just words rolled into other words, leaving the game user to go "WTF Does that even mean?!"

All in all, the graphics are the best part of the game and the flow is decent. So you'd get a 3/10 for what I went through.

Talked to everyone in town. Completed your sadistic emo Greg quest and Liam blip. You really need help. Professional assistance, lol.

[Cleril]

The Escapist : Forums : User Reviews : Pimpin Reviews: Cleril's Haven (A game created by an Escapist User)

After having played "Haven" for 1 hour, I think it is safe to say that you have potential as a designer, but your game play is slow and lacking, no run-function and the utter boredom of scouring an overly large map for one area looking for the smallest of things isn't exactly "fun."

The grammar in game, the wording of things, and your overall misuse of words completely is terrible. Awful, and you need to go back into the game and edit everything. Every conversation. Every interaction. Seriously -- I could understand the grammar situation a little better if you were Fresh Off the Boat from China or Korea, but man... half the sentences and the way you word things -- they don't even make sense in game.
You have this "style" of writing -- but without sound or audible difference, it looks like you're handicapped and stuttering every other dialog box. Using phrased two or three times in a row for "emphasis" without any audible tone is repetitive and poor game design.

And then there's the things that don't make any sense at all -- like falling into a well and coming out some woman's sink and then suddenly her sink and the well work. Wtf.

Or finding a red ring, but it's not filled with FIERY PASSION.

WTF @ your cracked out Jester stuff. It makes NO sense at all.

Or the fact that your 'self-claimed' poetry is all over the game, which isn't as great as you think it is -- because it's just words rolled into other words, leaving the game user to go "WTF Does that even mean?!"

All in all, the graphics are the best part of the game and the flow is decent. So you'd get a 3/10 for what I went through.

Talked to everyone in town. Completed your sadistic emo Greg quest and Liam blip. You really need help. Professional assistance, lol.

There is a run function, the shift key.

I can't control how the player reads things. Most players have no problems, I know at least 1 did like you but it's a matter of the way your read. Text can only pace you so much.

You use a rope given to you by the mayor to let you down the well. The rope breaks midway, you fall. It's meant to be a slight joke of how you come out of the grating below the sink into Marlie's bakery. You don't morph out of the sink...if you look there's grating leading to the below well area.

It's a puzzle? Your hint is in the text, fiery. There are two fires in Haven, one in Greg's house, one in Liam's. Which one has passion? Certainly not Greg's as that fire is fueled by anger and self-disappointment. Don't worry, a lot of players couldn't get the infamous hint either.

The Jester among with the other "The" characters are not physical but mental trails of Cleril. The Jester is Cleril's humor on steroids. What he does all makes sense though, if you look into it or think about things. The Jester compares Cleril to a dog. A dog is a horny animal. Cleril is horny. That's a simple comparison for example.

It's poetry. It's meant to be interpreted. If you want the poetry to mean nothing then fine, think that way. You give everything in your life meaning when it has none. Your life is pointless yet you give it some meaning in order to press on. That is Existentialism, my philosophy of choice, literally. The poetry can mean nothing or something, if you want it to. "Words rolled into words" is a lot of things, like your statements.

Sadistic, Greg? He told his family there was gold underground because they smiled when he did. All he wanted was for them to smile again, since they were poor. But a cave-in happened killing everyone but Greg. His lie that made his family happy, also made his family dead.

Liam thinks life is pointless without the man in that picture. That is why he is attempting suicide.

I need professional help? Doesn't everybody? We all have problems, it's a matter of if we can deal or cure ourselves of them. If you can't do either then you need professional help. That video of me dancing was me. Do I look like I cut myself? I don't. Do I look like I have an imaginary person called The Jester in my head? I guess I do but it's a trait of mine. If I didn't have a sense of humor life would be more **** than it already is.

[jango]

good god ..

every time I read this thread a part of my soul dies ..

[Cleril]

good god ..

every time I read this thread a part of my soul dies ..

Well, not my fault.