DirtyDMan
08-27-2010, 04:32 PM
12. Refer To All Video Games as 'Nintendo Tapes'
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839538&type=lg
"I saw an ad for a new Nintendo tape called Red Fred Revenger and my son loves cowboys, so I'm thinking of going to Blockbuster and seeing if they have it for the Game Boy DS."
11. Imply Only Children Play Video Games
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839537&type=lg
"Kids spend so much time on Nintendo that they don't make friends, they don't go outside to play, and they don't do their homework. Those video tape fanatics are going to enter the adult world some day and be shocked when they find out their boss won't give them a quarter for an extra life."
10. Marvel at Games' Expense
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839536&type=lg
"Where do kids get the money for all these Nintendo tapes? I go into Best Buy and see a Nintendo PlayStation for $400 and I think, 'Whoa -- I never had that sort of cash when I was in middle school.' Rich parents I guess."
9. Say Video Games Were Better When You Played Them
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839535&type=lg
"We never shot women in the face when I was a kid. We only had one Nintendo and all we played was Mario and Sonic. Do kids even know who those characters are?"
8. Ask To Play and Then Don't Even Try
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839534&type=lg
"I want to shoot hookers. Let me have a try. Wait. What the hell does that mean? Move stick to move? What's a stick? What does it mean 'move?' We didn't move in games when I was a kid. Why am I spinning around when I move the stick crazy? Forget this."
7. Tell the Gamer To Find "A Save Spot"
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839533&type=lg
"Come on! I want to get dinner. Stop slaughtering floozies and find a save spot. Where is the save spot? Just save your game so we can go. Save now. No, don't leave the system on -- do you want to burn the house down?"
6. Pretend All Video Games Definitely Involve Killing Hookers
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839532&type=lg
"I just can't see myself doing an activity where you murder prostitutes all day. It just makes me sick to even think that it's what millions of children are doing with their time - just waving their Nintendo remotes to steal cars."
5. Refer To 'Virtual Reality' As Often As Possible
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839531&type=lg
"Kids spend so much time in virtual reality that they forget about actual reality. Why do your homework when you can get points for raping and stealing? They should find a save spot and go outside to see what the real life looks like."
4. Claim Facebook Is a Video Game
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839530&type=lg
"My daughter is always playing Facebook. She keeps trying to win the most friends and get the most photos or something. I just wish she interacted with people instead of talking to robots in cyberspace."
3. Mispronounce "Pokemon" As "Pokey-Man"
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839529&type=lg
"Kids always want to catch the newest Pokey-Man. They spend so much money on it. Pikey-Chu, Firesaur, there's like three dozen of them and you have to pay for each one. And pedophiles buy the game and use their GameBoy DS to trade with children so they can sext in virtual reality."
2. Blame Violent Crimes on Video Games
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839528&type=lg
"Everyone's wondering what caused that accountant to shoot up his office in Connecticut? I'll tell you what happened: we raise kids on this 'Mortal Kombat' and 'Street Fighter' trash and we expect them to just be happy fathers and mothers? Yeah, maybe when they're surfing the web."
1. When In Doubt, Beg Somebody to Do Something
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839540&type=lg
"Children are throwing away their lives and money on Pokey-Man and Washington won't do anything because they have all this money coming in from these Japanese businessmen who fund their campaigns. So kids just go on waving their Nintendo remotes to stab pregnant women and they never talk to real friends who actually exist. Why won't anybody do anything? Why won't anyone take responsibility for the damage they've done? Somebody has to keep these mass murder simulators out of the hands of children. If only there was a figure in their lives, maybe someone from birth, with that sort of responsibility. Ah well, we're doomed."
How to Anger a Gamer in 12 Easy Steps from 1UP.com (http://www.1up.com/do/feature?pager.offset=0&cId=3181085)
Not all of these are funny but some of them are.... I like the Nintendo Tapes one, Save spot,virtual reality, and the facebook is a video game.
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839538&type=lg
"I saw an ad for a new Nintendo tape called Red Fred Revenger and my son loves cowboys, so I'm thinking of going to Blockbuster and seeing if they have it for the Game Boy DS."
11. Imply Only Children Play Video Games
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839537&type=lg
"Kids spend so much time on Nintendo that they don't make friends, they don't go outside to play, and they don't do their homework. Those video tape fanatics are going to enter the adult world some day and be shocked when they find out their boss won't give them a quarter for an extra life."
10. Marvel at Games' Expense
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839536&type=lg
"Where do kids get the money for all these Nintendo tapes? I go into Best Buy and see a Nintendo PlayStation for $400 and I think, 'Whoa -- I never had that sort of cash when I was in middle school.' Rich parents I guess."
9. Say Video Games Were Better When You Played Them
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839535&type=lg
"We never shot women in the face when I was a kid. We only had one Nintendo and all we played was Mario and Sonic. Do kids even know who those characters are?"
8. Ask To Play and Then Don't Even Try
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839534&type=lg
"I want to shoot hookers. Let me have a try. Wait. What the hell does that mean? Move stick to move? What's a stick? What does it mean 'move?' We didn't move in games when I was a kid. Why am I spinning around when I move the stick crazy? Forget this."
7. Tell the Gamer To Find "A Save Spot"
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839533&type=lg
"Come on! I want to get dinner. Stop slaughtering floozies and find a save spot. Where is the save spot? Just save your game so we can go. Save now. No, don't leave the system on -- do you want to burn the house down?"
6. Pretend All Video Games Definitely Involve Killing Hookers
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839532&type=lg
"I just can't see myself doing an activity where you murder prostitutes all day. It just makes me sick to even think that it's what millions of children are doing with their time - just waving their Nintendo remotes to steal cars."
5. Refer To 'Virtual Reality' As Often As Possible
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839531&type=lg
"Kids spend so much time in virtual reality that they forget about actual reality. Why do your homework when you can get points for raping and stealing? They should find a save spot and go outside to see what the real life looks like."
4. Claim Facebook Is a Video Game
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839530&type=lg
"My daughter is always playing Facebook. She keeps trying to win the most friends and get the most photos or something. I just wish she interacted with people instead of talking to robots in cyberspace."
3. Mispronounce "Pokemon" As "Pokey-Man"
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839529&type=lg
"Kids always want to catch the newest Pokey-Man. They spend so much money on it. Pikey-Chu, Firesaur, there's like three dozen of them and you have to pay for each one. And pedophiles buy the game and use their GameBoy DS to trade with children so they can sext in virtual reality."
2. Blame Violent Crimes on Video Games
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839528&type=lg
"Everyone's wondering what caused that accountant to shoot up his office in Connecticut? I'll tell you what happened: we raise kids on this 'Mortal Kombat' and 'Street Fighter' trash and we expect them to just be happy fathers and mothers? Yeah, maybe when they're surfing the web."
1. When In Doubt, Beg Somebody to Do Something
http://media.1up.com/media?id=3839540&type=lg
"Children are throwing away their lives and money on Pokey-Man and Washington won't do anything because they have all this money coming in from these Japanese businessmen who fund their campaigns. So kids just go on waving their Nintendo remotes to stab pregnant women and they never talk to real friends who actually exist. Why won't anybody do anything? Why won't anyone take responsibility for the damage they've done? Somebody has to keep these mass murder simulators out of the hands of children. If only there was a figure in their lives, maybe someone from birth, with that sort of responsibility. Ah well, we're doomed."
How to Anger a Gamer in 12 Easy Steps from 1UP.com (http://www.1up.com/do/feature?pager.offset=0&cId=3181085)
Not all of these are funny but some of them are.... I like the Nintendo Tapes one, Save spot,virtual reality, and the facebook is a video game.