I grabeed my heart

[Kiss]

I Grabbed My Heart
Held it tight
The wind was howling that horrible night
I felt a daze
My brain was crawling through a maze
I was sick
I awoke full of nicks
In a pool of blood
My head hurt, I felt like crud
The moon was full night had fallen
Shadows began to tallen
My heart beat faster than before
It was instinct something was happening at the core
I awoke again in a dark cave
A figure approached, it said "you are my slave"
Something small yet approached "up" it said
I understood
I stood up wobbly hurt
That night the creatures treated me like dirt
The next morning fell awake on a hospital bed
"You are alright" a familiar voice said
I was injured bled horribly
"Tisk whatever" another said sourly
My eyes opened full of awe
For what I saw
Made me smile
All I knew on my side single file
I slept well that night
For now again I felt right

Comments appreciated. Please.

[Samus-Fan]

I don't really understand it, But it sounds pretty good.
I noticed that you try to stick with AABB format. Maybe you should try something different, like ABCADEABCADE Or something like that.

[Kiss]

I like AABB format.

Its supposed to be a story, its unclear because the persons memory is unclear.

[LiNuX]

I like AABB format.

Its supposed to be a story, its unclear because the persons memory is unclear.

good work and you are thinking like a poet :D my old english teacher would have loved you - he was into poetry - he went on a sabbatical our last term of college, and no one has seen him since, he was a cool guy from the army

and these two lines:


Something small yet approached "up" it said
I understood

dont know if you tried to make it rhyme but i couldnt get it to rhyme in my head or saying it out loud lol

great work nonetheless