Rate the Joke above You.

[Scott]

Rate the joke above you.

Then tell one. Keep it clean.


Two cows in a field, Daisy and Chuck.
Daisy turns to Chuck, and asks 'Have you heard about this new mad cow disease?'
Chuck shruggs. 'It doesn't affect me, I'm a helicopter.'

[Jaykub]

1 Lol.

What is the last thing to pass through a bugs mind before it hits a car? its ass

[Scott]

5 not that funny.

Three guys go exploring the Amazon. They're 300 hundred miles in dense rain forest and all of the sudden they come upon a bunch of tribes people. The tribes people put spears to the explorers' necks and say they're gonna eat them.

One of the explorers asks for a reprieve, so the chief says he will allow them to live if they complete the ceremonial act of kindness to the chief. This act of kindness is the act of putting three fruits up one's anus.

So each of the guys are sent out into the jungle to find some fruit, each guarded by an armed warrior. The first guy finds three apples and returns to the chief. He drops his pants and begins shoving the first apple up the outdoor. He gets one, then another, but he can't make it to the third one so they kill him and throw him onto the fire.

The second guy comes back with three cherries. He easily shoves one up, but right in the middle of the second, he bursts out laughing, drops the other 2 and they kill him and throw him onto the fire.

Up in heaven, the first guy with the apples is at the pearly gates. Behind him apears the guy with the cherries. Guy 1 says to Guy 2, "Hey, I thought I saw you get some cherries. I thought you were gonna make it."

Guy 2 says to Guy 1, "Yeah, I was easily gonna do it, but when I was about to put in the second cherry, I saw Guy 3 coming out of the forest with three pineapples."

[Samus-Fan]

4, that's old and so over-used, it isn't funny.

So these two cannibals eating a clown.
One turns to the other and says, "Is it me, or does this taste funny?"

[LiNuX]

3/10 - heard it a long time ago

What's the easiest way to put a giraffe in a fridge?

By opening the door and putting it in.


corny? lol i used to use it back in elementary school too

[Trunks]

Meh, 3/10

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[sunrise FoE]

7/10 lol :P A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[Scott]

5/10 I've seen it before.

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. Upon entering he asks St Peter I've always wanted to know am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?

St Peter replies, only God can answer that question.

So the zebra meets God and asks am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?

God replies, you are what you are.

The zebra leaves and is perplexed. St Peter asks him if he found out what he is.

The zebra replies he doesn't know.

St Peter asks what did God say to you?

He told me you are what you are.

St Peter replies Oh your white with Black stripes.

The zebra asks how he knows that.

St Peter replies cause if you were black with white stripes, God would have said you is what you is.

[Trunks]

Lol, 7/10

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

[EpsilonX]

i've heard it before, and it was way funnier then.

so 3/10 for your lack of delivery.

unfortunately, all of the funniest jokes i know are incredibly racist, so i won't say them here. anyways, here we go. this is from my favorite comedian.

I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid back company, so they just said "**** it, cut em up!"

[Trunks]

meh, not that funny 4/10
Also, how can you have good delivery when you tell a joke while typing.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident. While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.

"Did you actually see the accident?" he asked.

The witness responded with a polite, "Yes, sir."

"How far away were you when the accident happened?"

"I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision."

"Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches?" the lawyer asked, sarcastically, "Do you expect us to believe that your memory is so good, and your sense of distance is so precise, that months after the accident you can come into court and give that type of detail?"

The witness was unphased. "Sir, I had a hunch that some obnoxious, know-it-all lawyer would ask me the distance, and would try to make it seem like I was lying if I could not give an exact answer. So I got a tape measure, and measured out the exact distance